Woman wonders whether social courtesy still exists: ‘Is it not incredibly rude to no-show an event you’ve been explicitly invited to, and why is this becoming SUCH a thing?’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Nov 11, 2026 3:15 PM EST

Is anyone a villager nowadays? Why are people getting worse at being friends?

Apparently, this is a worldwide phenomenon. Nowadays, what used to be a fairly normal social interaction has become unusual. There was a time when receiving an invitation came with an obligation to at least respond to decline it. It was a fairly straightforward social contract. People either accepted or politely declined it. It wasn't that complicated, and still, that seemingly uncomplicated exchange has become completely out of the ordinary in today's world.

We live in an era when getting in touch with anyone is pretty simple, and maybe because of that, we're all excessively in touch with one another, and we take for granted things that used to be much more significant, like invitations.

In today's world, an invitation becomes just another notification in a sea of other notifications, some important, and some completely unremarkable. Perhaps this overcommunication is part of why communities are so fragile nowadays. Paradoxically, we're more in touch than ever, but nobody actually gets together, and very few people are part of an actual community.

Communication was much more significant in a world where it was harder to get in touch, but in a way, today, someone still taking the time to RSVP has become the significant part.

In the internet world, social interactions feel less consequential because you feel like you can have them any time you want, with one click only.

We live in a social limbo; every plan is inherently flexible. We don't want to commit too early because something better might come along, and we end up not commiting to anything ever. The feeling that something better might come along is constantly fed by social media showing us images of what theoretically could be possible for us while our lives pass before our eyes.

Friendship is not only about feelings and the immaterial, but it is also about dates, effort, logistics, and time.

We have to become villagers again somehow; otherwise we will all be trapped by the virtual world. We have to start planning dates, responding to texts, and spending long hours talking outside. Life can't be all about scrolling; how many hours of our lives have we scrolled by already?

This doesn't mean we should accept every invitation people throw at us, but it would be nice to go back to the old habit of politely declining if it happens we don't want to go.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10675932928
    via Land O'Lakes, Inc.

    Example of social courtesy.

    Recreated scenario included to enhance reader understanding

  • 02

    Everyone wants a village nobody wants to be a villager.

    I'll try and keep this concise as I want to reach out and see if people have been having similar experience and just open up the floor for conversation. For reference I'm a woman in
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    my mid 20's and i genuinely wonder whether I was raised differently then most people my age because I feel like common social courtesy has been thrown out the window.
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    For context I am having an engagement party next weekend, my fiancé and I are paying for a drinks and food package for all our friends and family. We wanted to celebrate with the people we care about
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    the most and also allow them to not stress about paying for food and drinks. Anyways I sent out the invites about 3 months ago because peoples schedules get booked up quickly in December. The majority of people RSVP'D
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    pretty quickly, a few people I had to chase up and about 5 people viewed my messages, emails and just never replied. These five people who never replied were my
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    group of childhood best friends. One of the girls. had her birthday party a few months ago (she had just been broken up with so there was added emphasis on showing up cause obviously she's having a tough time??).
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    She lives about two hours away, I made the trip, brought her a lovely gift, and I arrived and about 7 people were there (including me). She had invited over 60 people and had hired a live band, catering etc. The vast
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    Cheezburger Image 10675933184
    via ROBIN WORRALL

    People not making friends in real life.

    Model portrayal

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    majority no showed completely. I was devastated for her it was obviously crushing especially since most of them lived just down the road. I was astounded that her supposedly 'very close. friends' would disrespect
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    her by not even sending a message. Anyways, I sent out a message to my engagement party groupchat saying I was removing anyone who hadn't replied or RSVP'D
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    because the venue was very strict on numbers. A week has passed and today I got a half-assed text from this same girl (nobody else has contacted me) not even explaining why she hadn't responded or couldn't
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    come and simply was wishing I have a good time. I have repeatedly supported and shown up for these five friends to every event no matter how what. I think a lot of my frustration stems from feeling like it's becoming
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    more common to not reciprocate commitment and energy in friendships. I've spoken to a lot of my coworkers and friends who have also experienced supposedly important people in their lives just not showing up
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    to things they've been invited to? I cannot wrap my head around how this behavior has become normalized/acceptable? It's the absolute bare minimum to contact someone and explain you cannot make it but simply
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    not saying anything is crazy ride. Is it not incredibly ride to no-show an event you've been explicitly invited to and why is this becoming SUCH a thing?
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    PrairieBunny91 It's capitalism. It's very, very nuanced and there's a lot of factors at play, but this is late stage capitalism. A healthy, connected population with a strong village and sense of community can rise up. A depr sed, unconnected, lonely, just plain worn out population isn't going to have the necessary social structure to do so.
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    Visual_Environment_7 It's happening in Canada too. People are becoming increasingly selfish and not willing to put in effort. I'm ending multiple decade long friendships over this, it's frankly freeing because I've been holding up my end and it's been heavy. Sorry this happened OP
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    thebompalomp This all sounds too familiar. People are living more and more in isolation and I feel they've completely forgotten how to communicate and maintain a level of basic respect. Let alone be good friends. Anything that requires effort or discomfort is too much. Despite that being a given for any kind of relationship. It is really sad. I feel like people just sit behind their phones and watch others lives from a distance now and that's the level of "connection" they can handle.
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    Cheezburger Image 10675933440
    via Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦

    Representation of normal friendhsip.

    Licensed media provided as editorial context
     

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